Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
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all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
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I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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