when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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