i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
