I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
