How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
