i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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