drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
