If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
