I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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