If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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