Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
