drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You can't just leave with hair like that
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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