My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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