6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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