It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
