sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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