Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
