and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
