I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
