how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Girls should come with a carfax report
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
