True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
