roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
