What a fucking waste of an outfit
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
