I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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