why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
