I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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