i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
