i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
