If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
