for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Houston, we have a squirter
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
