If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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