we're chasing vodka with high fives
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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