I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
