I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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