is your mom at the bar?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
