i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Dignity is for republicans.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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