seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
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I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
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Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.