if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
