Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.