This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
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Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Fuck now we have to have sex
In a bet, need to win
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
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When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can