One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".