you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
