The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
