I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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