In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
