In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
