More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
no you cant smoke seaweed
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
