just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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