I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
