sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
