he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
