he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
