After last night, I could never be a politician.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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