Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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