So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
