I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
