I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
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and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
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I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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