There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
