I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
