We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
