remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
