Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
