Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
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