it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
