Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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