I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
