Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
