Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
