Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
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