No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
