You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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