his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
