U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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