I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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